A clinician recently told me that I’m wearing rose coloured glasses and said I need to take them off, admit I have a problem, and accept help/treatment.

I’ve been grappling with chronic pain for many years and have had an ongoing battle with trying to find my work/life balance.

I’ve decided to share a little bit of my experience with chronic pain. This way, if you, your colleagues, or someone in your family ever experience something similar, you’ll have some insights on what I’ve explored and found helpful for my situation, and perhaps it will be supportive.

Here’s an overview:

Ten years ago, as a result of ongoing pain in my neck, hips and feet, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. For about two years I did a ton of yoga, qigong, meditation, made significant changes to my diet, naturopath/supplements, spoke to counsellors/therapists, positive self-talk/affirmations, took prescription drugs, osteopathy, chiropractic, physiotherapy, acupuncture, massage, and and and…

I was determined and willing to try anything to get rid of the pain and felt defeated when none of the above gave me lasting relief. So, I chose to simplify my efforts, keep my stress levels down and be grateful for the health I did have. My osteopath at the time was convinced I had a blood condition and encouraged me to seek more testing, but I didn’t.

For several years I was all-in-all happy with my health. Even though I experienced a lot of stress surrounding life events (including, a separation, relocation, death of loved ones, loss of job, and sending a child off to university) my body was resilient and I felt proud of how I managed to keep chronic pain flare ups at bay.

And then, my body crashed with a relapse of overwhelming pain in Dec. 2018.

I decided to take my osteopath’s advice from years ago about getting further blood tests and went to a clinic in Toronto that focuses on specialized blood tests. It turns out my immune system is significantly compromised. I’m living with high levels of mold toxicity, Lyme disease, and 3 different autoimmune markers.

Here are a few interesting points I’ve learned:

• Some clinicians say our genetics play a part in these diseases.
• It’s said about 25% of people are susceptible to these conditions.
• Stress/environment can be triggers.
• Lyme disease is not necessarily only transmitted by ticks, some specialists say spiders and mosquitoes are carriers too.

Admitting I have this problem (problem being defined here as “a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome”) has been deeply painful for me. If I’m being totally honest, I’m absolutely exhausted and feel as though I’m stumbling through the days.

I’m really not okay… but I’m doing okay.

I’m now 3 months into treatment and have changed the protocols countless times. I’ve seen several clinicians and naturopaths for consultations and, although every provider has a different opinion, everyone agrees that these types of blood conditions are complex and people respond very differently to treatment. I must be patient.

I’m keeping an open mind and heart and am grateful to learn about all the treatment options. In the mindfulness courses I teach I often suggest people approach a moment and pretend they’re a scientist investigating something completely new. I’m finding that attitude helpful as I try different foods, medicine concoctions and exercises, then note the effects on my body.

Another example of how I’m using an open mind relates to thinking outside the box about my negative thinking cycles. Earlier on in my treatment I noticed I felt highly negative and depressed every morning when I restocked my pill box. The medication I took in one single day filled a 7-day medication box. And, I couldn’t close some of the lids!

My mind had a self-pity feeding frenzy… “Look how sick you are, you have to take more pills in a day than a person does in a week.”

This went on for a bit until I realized the other side to my situation. Yes, I’m sick and taking a lot of pills every day. And, the pills are helping me heal and restore. From that point on I chose to embrace the task of loading my pill box, and to reinforce positivity, I covered the Sunday – Saturday labels with hearts and empowering stickers.

I feel confident I’ll find the right treatment and be feeling better than ever within 10 – 14 months. Look out world, a new and improved Amber is in chrysalis – analogy used for my sweet daughter Kristianna 🙂

It’s been surprising for me to see what is bubbling up as I spend more time committed to rest and renewal. My challenges this year are building on the direction I’m going with my family and work and it’s been interesting to see where the journey is taking us!

We adopted a new family member, Josephine, who is also a qualified Service Dog of Canada and will be by my side almost everywhere I go 🙂

My spouse Gord and I also launched our work together as #askipperandsannyasin and I look forward to co-facilitating our fall series to support pilots and anxious flyers.

You can learn more here: www.gordandamber.com

My hope is that this blog creates an awareness for readers that they are not alone in struggling with life balance and wearing rose coloured glasses. We’ve all had difficulty accepting a problem and suffered – be it, substance abuse, screen time addiction, dysfunctional relationships, physical health, or other. I completely understand and I wish you the courage to take off your glasses as soon as possible, reach out for support, and see what else life has to offer you.

All my very best,

Amber McAuley